if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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