He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
