I could make wine with my vomit
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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