Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
