why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
