he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
