He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
