i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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