Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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