My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
