did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
