Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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