dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
