im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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