i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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