it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
