i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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