Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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