I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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