Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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