Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
