I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
