yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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