I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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