If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
