if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
