There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
