So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
