I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
