You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
