Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
