she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
