I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
