if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
