I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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