so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
