My brain says no but my pants say off.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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