i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
