Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
