If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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