I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
