TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
