I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im holly from the hills drunk
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
