LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
