Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
