living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I lost the right to judge tonight
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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