well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
