I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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