I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
