every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
