Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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