Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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