wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
its liver damage thursday
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
