i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
