I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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