I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
