guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just threw up on my dentist
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
