I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
