Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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