I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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