One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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