My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
