Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
