we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
please come you make the beer taste better
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
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