you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize