btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
