i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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