Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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