He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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