If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
