so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
