I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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