I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
