laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
