Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
