We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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