So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
