I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
