you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
this is an emotional support booty call
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
