drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Someone signed my nipple.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
