You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
