She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
