I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
