Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
