we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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