We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i wish my penis had a tongue
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
