He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
