Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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