So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
