great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize